“One of the great casualties of tribalism is curiosity. And when we are no longer curious, when we don’t try to imagine or understand what another person is thinking or feeling or where her pain comes from, our hearts begin to narrow. We become less compassionate and more entrenched in our own worldviews.” ~ Rabbi Sharon Brous
This quote has been sitting with me because it names something many of us feel but rarely stop to examine. Tribalism doesn’t just divide us into camps… it quietly erodes our willingness to wonder. It replaces questions with conclusions and curiosity with certainty. Over time, that changes how we see one another… not as people with stories, but as symbols of positions we’ve already judged.
When curiosity disappears, relationships begin to break down (I have sadly experienced this recently with some dear friends)… tribalism trains us to reduce human beings to labels, opinions, and affiliations. Once we do that, curiosity can feel unnecessary, even threatening. Why ask questions when we’re convinced we already know the answer? Why listen when our side feels morally or intellectually certain?
Yet the moment we stop asking why, how, and tell me more, we stop creating space for understanding.
Certainty can feel powerful, it offers clarity and comfort in a complicated world… but certainty without curiosity can quickly become a trap. Curiosity requires humility, it asks us to consider that we might not have the full picture, it invites discomfort and even the possibility that we could be changed by what we learn.
CURIOSITY KEEPS CONVICTION FROM BECOMING A CAGE.
Being curious doesn’t mean abandoning our values, excusing harm, or pretending every position deserves equal weight. We can hold strong convictions while still wanting to understand what experiences shaped someone, where their fear or pain comes from, and how they arrived where they are… understanding someone is not the same as agreeing with them.
What struck me most in Rabbi Brous’ words is her warning about the narrowing of the heart. A narrowed heart struggles to hold empathy and conviction at the same time. It listens to respond rather than understand, and leaves little room for nuance, complexity, or grace. When enough hearts narrow… families strain, friendships fracture, workplaces polarize, and communities lose their ability to care for one another across differences.
I’ve long believed that the strongest returns in life come from relationships. Curiosity is one of the most important investments we can make in them. Relationships don’t require agreement, but they do require a willingness to see the full human being behind the opinion. Maybe the next time certainty tightens its grip, especially with a friend, colleague or neighbor, instead of making another statement, we ask a question…
Help me understand.
We may walk away believing exactly what we believed before, but perhaps we’ll understand another human being a little better. And perhaps that is how we keep our convictions strong… without allowing them to become cages.
